If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
