My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
