Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
