You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
