you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
