Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
