I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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