The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
