Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
