this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
