she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
