I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
