bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
