we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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