I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
