Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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