Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
