I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
