I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
