so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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