I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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