I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
