Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
