Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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