And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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