well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
