but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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