is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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