Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
