pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
