And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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