I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
