we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
