Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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