Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
