Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
