my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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