Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's shark week go big or go home
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
