fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
