He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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