oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
