I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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