i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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