Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
