I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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