Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
