LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
