Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
