May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
