OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
