so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
