no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
we're so committed to being not committed
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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